I have spent most of my life, wondering if it feels the same to all of us. In my life, it has felt like I have been swimming. My whole life just swimming and as years go one you get weights placed upon you. By the time I was 6 I had more weight than I could carry. I was just trying to stay afloat. Through my whole life I have been struggling to keep my head above the water.14 years I have had my head just barely above the water. I have struggled with it going on so long and I just can't keep it up any longer. I just want to stay alive, but I am so tired. I want to rest on shore or ....in someone’s loving arms.... I have no one to help me, so I keep swimming. I keep having more weight added, when the weight before was already too much. My head is barely above the water, I don't know how long I can keep it there. People swim past me, leaving me behind. Life boats come but they can't see me or pretend they can't see me. My life has felt this way for so long. I know life is hard. I also know there are people worse off then me and I should not complain, when there is so much hurt in the world.
It makes me sad. I wish I could take all of the pain the world, the pain of every hurt or wronged person onto myself. Then everyone could be happy.
Oh well, that is what I felt like writing today.
I wrote this at one point, when I was so used to my depression that I didn't even know I was all that sad. It took several years, but I did manage to get out of it. I didn't use medication. I just woke up one day and slowly started to change my life. I know I made it sound like it was really easy, but it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.
I do know that without the hard times I went through, I wouldn't be who I am now. I know I couldn't see it then, but it made me strong. I am happy to say I have been able to help other people through rough times.
I must say that though years have past since I wrote the above. I do still wish I could take others pain. I just don't like seeing people hurt. I do try and do little things when ever I can to save the world. I think if everyone saved one other person the world would be a better place.
For a couple months I worked for a charity, getting third world children sponsored. I am happy to say that I helped save over 40 children and their families and helped the communities they live in. It was the best job I have had, I loved every second. I would have kept working for them, but I am moving to
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